My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what’s really going on to be scared.
If a man has the sense that God gave a common bivalve – and I often wonder if those clams know something we don’t – he should realize when he’s found a partner who compliments him, makes him happy, and vice versa. Because the right person isn’t solely someone who’s happy with you, it’s also someone who’s not afraid to be unhappy with you. There’s no such thing as a perfect couple. Anyone who claims otherwise is either drunk, on Ecstasy, lying, or all three, and – bet on it – has at some point imagined crushing his or her spouse with a giant suitcase or some other large, blunt object. But if you can refrain from doing it, and eventually laugh about it, you’re making out OK.