Browsing Quotes With Tag: humor (154)
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Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Speaker: George Bernard ShawPosted: 20 Mar 2009 at 9:40 AMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Speaker: Groucho MarxPosted: 19 Mar 2009 at 8:54 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Speaker: Groucho MarxPosted: 19 Mar 2009 at 8:53 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Speaker: Groucho MarxPosted: 19 Mar 2009 at 8:52 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
I find television very educating. Every time someone turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Speaker: Groucho MarxPosted: 19 Mar 2009 at 8:52 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Just remember, when you put yourself on a pedestal and elevate yourself above the rest of the world, the size of your funeral will still depend a lot on the weather.
Posted: 19 Mar 2009 at 8:45 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
Speaker: Irv KupcinetPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 8:53 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
Speaker: Russell GreenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 7:49 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
Speaker: Ralph Waldo EmersonPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 7:32 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Speaker: AristotlePosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:36 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.
Speaker: Woody AllenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:35 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? Or, what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Speaker: Woody AllenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:30 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Speaker: Woody AllenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:29 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better… while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Speaker: Woody AllenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:28 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Speaker: Woody AllenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:27 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying.
Speaker: Woody AllenPosted: 18 Mar 2009 at 5:14 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.
Speaker: Alfred HitchcockPosted: 20 Nov 2008 at 2:08 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Speaker: John FrazeeSource: The Journal of Irreproducible ResultsPosted: 31 Oct 2008 at 2:07 PMComments: 1 -
I know you believe you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!
Speaker: G. RomneyPosted: 28 Oct 2008 at 1:17 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Speaker: Bill CosbyPosted: 13 Oct 2008 at 9:09 AMComments: None... Be the first to comment!